2008 Memory, FOREVER TRUTH!

No matter what Joshua faces, there is one person he goes to, one thing he asks to bring peace...he will ask us to pray to Jesus. I was reminded of a section that was published last year regarding Joshua and what I have learned from him. I wanted to share it with you. As we walk through this chapter and as you walk through yours.

JESUS MAKES ME FEEL SAFE...
A section from:
Life Inside the Box of a Jigsaw Puzzle: Finding God’s Grace, Strength, Hope and Understanding inside the Spectrum of Autism.
By: Angel S. Thompson
Copyright Year: © 2009
Published by Unleashing Potential Ministries/AST
All Rights Reserved.

My son never ceases to amaze me…or rather, how he views God and how God points me to HIM through this precious little boy standing before me, who says the most profound things.

I am always in a study of prayer and recently it has led to a small study of the tassels of the prayer shawl. In the book of Numbers, God told Moses…rather commanded that they make tzitzit (seet-see), tassels on their cloaks. Tassels on all four corners with a blue cord on each. This was to remind them of God’s commands so they would not stray. Jewish men still wear them today, and I have come to know some Jewish women who do the same. What I found fascinating was that this very thing, and then the prophecy of Malachi brought a puzzle piece together for me in the New Testament. Rather, it added more to the event that took place.

The woman heard that Jesus was coming to town. She had heard of Him and the stories of those delivered by his touch. She knew she had to make her way to see Him. She had been suffering for years with a medical condition that left her bleeding. In some translations they say she had an “issue of blood”. I had a friend who had a very similar disorder and it left her weak and in pain most of her days.

So, here was this lady, making her way to Jesus…in pain, weak. The crowd was thick, so many people. I can imagine a lot of dust everywhere, heat. She sat down, and waited. After a while she looks up and sees Jesus coming, but now she lacks the strength. Do you know what her thought was? Of course you do. She thought that if she could but touch the hem of his garment, his cloak, his tzitzit she would be healed. Do you see the power in her thought and then in her action? She remembered Malachi’s prophecy.

Malachi 4:2
“But for you who revere my name, the sun of righteousness will rise with healing in it’s wings…”

She then acted on it. The wings represented his cloak. She was healed immediately. She found healing and peace in Jesus. Why do I say peace? Well, another thing I have begun to discover as I study, the word “Shalom”, which is what He said, “Go in peace”, means more than what we “think” it does. What do you think of when you hear the word, peace? No strife. No conflict. Harmony. Yet the Hebraic meaning goes deeper. To quote Rob Bell, “Shalom is the presence of the goodness of God. It’s the presence of wholeness; completeness…Jesus blessed her with God’s presence on her entire being.”

Now, how does my son figure into all of this? How have I been challenged by his “profound” statement and actions? The cross is his tzitzit. Every time he sees one, and it could be how the branches are on a tree, he is reminded of Jesus and immediately says, “Jesus is off the cross, thanks.” Tonight he saw a cross and he started talking about Jesus. Then he said something that I honestly will never forget…. “Jesus makes me feel safe.” Completeness.

You may not have a “prayer cloak”, yet my question is what is your “tzitzit”? What reminds you to keep your eyes fix on Christ? If you are His child, His desire is to bring you complete wholeness…even in the midst of what we walk through we can have completeness. Joshua has Autism & now PANDAS D/O, I still have Thyroid disease and Fibromyalgia…despite that, we have wholeness in Him because of Christ.

OVERWHELM....QUIESCENCE...REFUGE.

JT walks up to me...sharing that his mind cannot stop thinking of something he saw that scared him and has caused him to have overwhelming thoughts that evade every action and perception. So, he allows me to kiss his head, he rests against my side and we pray that God would clear his thoughts and replace them.

Definition of todays PANDAS D/O Journey: over·whelm Pronunciation: \ˌō-vər-ˈhwelm, -ˈwelm\Function: transitive verb Etymology: Middle English, from 1over + whelmen to turn over, cover upDate: 14th century2 a : to cover over completely : submerge c : to overpower in thought or feeling....

Longing for our son to have a moment of quiescence.

Sigh........Deuteronomy 33:27

My presence will go with you, and I will give you rest. (Exodus 33:14)

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you; he will not fail you or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed. (Deuteronomy 31:8)

The eternal God is your refuge, and underneath are the everlasting arms. (Deuteronomy 33:27)

The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. (Psalm 9:9-10)

I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. (Psalm 16:8)

The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid? Though an army encamp against me, my heart shall not fear; though war rise up against me, yet I will be confident. (Psalm 27: 1, 3)

You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance. (Psalm 32:7-8)

I sought the Lord, and he answered me, and delivered me from all my fears. (Psalm 34:4)

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears, and rescues them from all their troubles. (Psalm 34:17)

Those who love me, I will deliver; I will protect those who know my name. When they call to me, I will answer them; I will be with them in trouble, I will rescue them and honor them. With long life I will satisfy them, and show them my salvation. (Psalm 91:14-16)

The name of the Lord is a strong tower; the righteous run into it and are safe. (Proverbs 18:10)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. (Isaiah 41:10)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:13a,14)

The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in HIM. (Nahum 1:7)

Treatment and Letting Go of the Why's...

So we are in the midst of Joshua’s first day of steroid tx's. The first dose this morning...and I quote, "It's fire, you made me swallow fire, my tongue is on fire." He then fell asleep and woke up at 12:30. This time we gave him chocolate milk to coat the tongue after lunch...no fire, but he did share, "That is made of fire, I know what fire tastes like." 2 more tx left for today.

As Joshua adds another adventure and chapter in his life, I was reminded of something God led me to write when Joshua was first dx with Autism. Just wanted to share it with you today.
Lord, thank you for the reminder.

"LETTING GO OF THE WHYS"
TRUE INTIMACY

By: Angel S. Thompson
Copyright Year: © 2005
All Rights Reserved
Published by Unleashing Potential Ministries
ISBN: 1-4116-3274-5

I remember when our son was diagnosed with Autism and the questions that began to flood my mind along with trying to find some reason as to why. Was it the stress during pregnancy? Was it hereditary? Was it the vaccines? Was it…? Our thoughts at the time were, "if only we could find a reason, something to blame it on then it would begin to make sense."

I can only imagine what Mary and Martha were feeling as they were burying their brother, Lazarus. In John, chapter 11, we can actually read what Martha was thinking as she lashed out at Jesus, blaming Him, stating through tears of anguish, "If only you had been here, then our brother would not have died."

Back in chapter 9 we read how the disciples were trying to make sense of a man's blindness. They wanted to know if it was his sin or his parent's sin that caused him to be born blind.

Two sets of people seeking answers, longing for something that would help them make sense of a situation.

Friends, have you found yourself in the midst of tears, crying out in anguish, trying to find the reasons why to circumstances of pain, whether it is the loss of a loved one, personal physical pain or watching someone you love struggle through a disorder? You are not alone. As humans we have a desire, a need to make sense of things. We want answers and have a hard time living in uncertainty. Let me share a verse with you, taken from the story of the blind man in John chapter 9.

Christ's response to the disciples was this, "Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life."
If we focus on trying to find the answers to "why", we will miss God's work in ours and others lives. From experience I have found that He can take something terrible and turn it into something wonderful that displays His greatness. We just have to be willing to leave the "whys" with Him.

Below is a poem by Roy Lessin. Personalize it with your name or a loved one s name. Post it on your mirror so you see it everyday and remind yourself to give the "whys" to God and allow Him to fulfill His special purpose in your life.

"Your son is not here by chance, but by God's choosing. His hand formed him and made him the person he is. He compares him to no one else - he is one of a kind. He will lack nothing that His grace can't give him. He has allowed him to be here at this time in history to fulfill His special purpose for this generation."

“Just Think,” by Roy Lessin. © DaySpring Cards, Inc. All rights reserved, used by permission.

Even the pastor’s wife...

I have been holding back a flood gate for months…I want to let go, but the dam's wall appears to be holding steady.

As I listen to Faith create her “song” on the piano keys…I know HE will provide. I know HE will heal. Through the morning and evening of watching PANDAS grip our son and knowing there is nothing I can do...I am exhausted. Now answering a phone call that just adds to uncertainty…my daughter comes up and wants to draw stars, and Joshua in a moment of peace…a moment, draws a cross on my arm.

Today, I just feel…I don’t know what I feel. Even the pastor’s wife has a moment of overwhelmedness. “OH ANGEL, BE STILL AND KNOW….”

Of course, that would be the verse He whispers through the LOUD chaos of this day, the chaos of PANDAS. Lord, a moment of quiet freedom…knowing that YOU will provide, that YOU will heal….THAT YOUR PURPOSE WILL PREVAIL. Lord, I am at a loss today…RESTING in You…all I can do.

PANDAS makes Autism seem like a cake walk

A friend sent me a message and she stated, "PANDAS makes Autism seem like a cake walk." I would have to agree with her.

As I sit holding Joshua as he FINALLY goes to sleep, I am reminded of those first years when he was diagnosed with Autism. Before we knew what was wrong...the hours of screaming, nothing could comfort him. Then working daily with him in therapy and seeing doors opening...rejoicing the day he said, "Mommy".

And here I sit....feeling as if I am in familiar yet foreign territory...it is true Autism is a cake walk in comparison.

I was reminded of a section I wrote in my book back in 2006, and I wanted to share it with you.

On a quick note...can I just share how proud I am of our daughter?! Since day one of her life she has known nothing else but autism. Before we moved here, she and I had spent over 400 hours in the hall while Joshua received therapy. She has been such a trooper and incredible supportive sister. This has been hard for her as her big brother has changed...but she still tries to engage him and I LOVE THAT about her. Faithy, you amaze me...never, ever forget that you are LOVED by Mommy and Daddy, and that YOU ARE A PRINCESS OF THE MOST HIGH GOD!

_________________________

"IT WAS A WISP OF A MORNING”
The True Intimacy of Becoming a Water Walker

Copyright Year: © 2006
Published by Unleashing Potential Ministries, Wooster, Ohio
All Rights Reserved.

Joshua pays careful attention to details, those details that we do not see. If something is just a little off, no matter if mommy fixes it, it is too much for his little mind to handle, and it will set him into a melt down.

This morning was one of those moments. There was a bend in the wisp that I allow the kids to play with. Albeit it small, it was noticeable to him. He tried to fix it himself, however the bend was now very noticeable. I attempted to fix it, putting it back into its mangled wisp look. Yet, it was too late. All he saw was the bend from before. He could not see beyond what his mind grasped earlier and he could not handle it. He was on the floor screaming, hitting his head and heels on the floor. There was nothing I could do. Reassuring him only added fire to the already intense moment. So, I picked up around him. 20 minutes later he came to me with tears in his eyes saying, "hold you." Translated meaning "hold me mommy". So I picked him up and cradled him as we swayed, then we sat and rocked. 30 minutes passed with this 45-pound boy curled in my arms gently rocking in the chair.

As I think of my son's battle with Autism, I think of man in the Bible named David who was being pursued by Saul, a man trying to kill him. In the book of Psalms we read about David's struggles as his enemies were at his heels. We read about his fear and his anger. Yet we also read his songs of praise to God for His deliverance from his enemies.
Just as Joshua sought shelter in my arms from the fear and frustration he faces daily with Autism, so David sought that same type of shelter in the arms of God.

Psalm 18:1-6, 16-19
I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears…. He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Just as quick as David could say, "Why, Lord…where are You, Lord…" He would regain his senses in the arms of God and praise Him, and continue his days journey.
After those 30 minutes Joshua looked up at me, arms open wide and said, "Thanks Mommy" as he embraced me with a hug. I said, "You're welcome, I love you." His response, "Thanks Mommy, I love you too." He then went onto the porch to play.
Life's walk is hard. The journey can be long, uncertain and at times fearful. Yet, with the knowledge that the Lord is there to "lift you out of the deep…to bring you into a spacious place…because He delights in you"…brings a sense of peace and realization that you can walk out onto your "life's porch", and He is waiting with open arms to rock you during those most difficult moments in your journey.

Intimate moment with Christ
Life can be overwhelming. Will you allow Him to cradle you today, to “sway” with you? David knew God could bring comfort, will you trust Him with your frustrations and fears?

Father, my days are so uncertain. I don’t know how I am going to make it through this week. I need your embrace today. Please allow me to experience the warmth of your presence in my life today. Hold me, sway with me, and give me comfort as I walk today. I am on my “life’s porch”, rock with me.

Photo above is a current photo of Joshua and I...this is how he falls asleep most nights. Right now he does not want to be away from either Matt or I.

Broken Laugh Box?

laugh (lf, läf)
v. laughed, laugh·ing, laughs
v.intr.
1. To express certain emotions, especially mirth or delight, by a series of spontaneous, usually unarticulated sounds often accompanied by corresponding facial and bodily movements.
2. To show or feel amusement or good humor: an experience we would laugh about later on.
3. b. To feel a triumphant or exultant sense of well-being

I remember watching a series of Sponge Bob Squarepants with my children. It was the episode where he thought his "laugh box" was broken.

One of the most treasured things I have experienced is when my children laugh. Joshua's first laugh came when he was 6 months old. I remember being over joyed and continued moving the one toy that made him giggle so I could hear it over and over. (Yes, I know, 6 months is late...Autism is a funny thing, eh?)

His laugh is so contagious. He would laugh in his sleep. He would laugh just to laugh...whatever story was playing in his mind...he would just laugh.

His smile is also contagious.

Right now, it is like his little "laugh box" is broken...that spontaneous outburst of giggles. PANDAS D/O has effected his grasp of what is funny and what is joyful. Right now his brain tells him that things are horrible. He will laugh momentarily if I tickle him, but then that changes to tears.

Jeremiah 31:13 says...and I am going to quote it from the Message because I like how it reads:

"Young women will dance and be happy, young men and old men will join in. I'll convert their weeping into laughter, lavishing comfort, invading their grief with joy."

Don't you love the words where God says, "I will INVADE their grief with joy."

What a precious promise. Father, I know this is just a season for Joshua. I know this is a season for us as a family. I cling to You, knowing that YOU WILL invade our grief with joy....there will be INTENSE AND IMMENSE LAUGHTER coming forth from Joshua....for YOU are with us WHEREVER we go...even in the midst of this season!

ON THE EDGE: Mom's moment

The phrase ON THE EDGE alludes to the danger of falling over the edge of a precipice.

As I think of that phrase and watch my son who lives in a world of Autism, now bombarded with PANDAS D/O that has erupted his state of living…it can seem as though we are ON THE EDGE.

Yet, as I STAND ON THE EDGE and look out over the precipice I am reminded that my Lord covered that PIT. Our circumstances do not define us as individuals, parents, children…people.

I can remember years ago being pushed into the precipice, tripping into the precipice and jumping head first. Years later I looked up and found a HAND pulling me out and covering it up…and I have moments where I look back and am reminded of that day when it is staring me in the face. Psalm 18.

Today, as a family, we stand on the edge of a vast precipice where the enemy desires to use it’s “presence” to “swallow” us whole. Yet, as I look out over it…I see the horizon filled with warmth and hope…as the wind hits my tears and my son’s as we share a PANDAS moment. Joshua 1:9

Even though his medication is helping with the tics, his functioning, sensory and view of his world continues to be in a state of confusion, chaos and fear. I called Matt as Joshua got out of his seat belt at the school and ran to the back of the van crying that he was too afraid to go in. He held his hands over his ears and wept. Making the 40 minute drive back to Geneva, I dropped him off at the church with Matt and I shared that I would be calling about “in home instruction” for Joshua to finish out the school year.

I have no idea what the special ed director will say, and I am not going to worry about what he may or may not approve. At this moment, as Joshua finally sleeps, Matt watches the CAVS game and Faith rests from the day, I will stand on the edge of this precipice and soak in the warmth of my Lord who has a purpose for Joshua…even in the midst of this uncertainty I am certain of this. Jeremiah 29.

PANDAS D/O & The Wall

Did you know that part of the definition of REST means: A device used as a support. I pause and smile as I read this: "The eternal God is your refuge, And underneath are the everlasting arms." Deuteronomy 33:27 HE IS MY REFUGE...MY...REST....MY SUPPORT....MY GOD!

For the past several...several months our son has been struggling. It has been 6 years since he was d/o with Autism. He has come so far and has accomplished so much. I stand in awe. It was a shock to us when he began to regress. When his days were filled again with crying as he became anxious, sad and he began to have "ticing" episodes that would happen within his sleep.

He reverted back into his world and there wasn't anything I could do, but pray. He would come to me, put his head on my arm and ask me to pray for him. He would ask me "what's wrong with me?"

After months his neurologist, through testing, found out that he has PANDAS D/O. Now begins treatment...and a long, long journey ahead. Each day I share with him his life verse in Joshua 1:9. Each day I claim that verse as well...along with Isaiah 43:2.

I was reminded of something I wrote after Joshua had been diagnosed. Wanted to share it with you.

WHAT IS YOUR "WALL OF JERICHO"?
By Angel Thompson
TRUE INTIMACY
All rights reserved
Copyright Year: © 2005
Published by Unleashing Potential Ministries
ISBN: 1-4116-3274-5

It has been a year since Joshua was diagnosed with Autism. At that time the world seemed to stop and the future for our son seemed blurry. Today, as I reflect back upon Joshua's journey so far in the world of Autism, I am reminded of another man's battle. They both share some things in common. His name was also Joshua and he was commissioned by God to take the city of Jericho. "Jericho was shut up like a drum because of the People of Israel: no one going in, no one going out. God spoke to Joshua, "Look sharp now. I've already given Jericho to you…" Joshua 6:1,2
So what did Joshua do? He believed and trusted what God said. He knew the character of God and he knew who he was in God. The only thing that lay between Joshua, the people of Israel and Jericho was a wall. God gave Joshua step by step instructions on how to conquer this wall.
First: March around the city once with the priests blowing on their horns. He told them to do this for 6 days.
Second: On the seventh day they were to walk around the city walls seven times with the priests blowing their horns. On the seventh round when the priests sounded their horns the people were to, "Shout! For the Lord has given you the city!"
Third: Take the city.
You are thinking, "That's a really nice story, but how does it apply to my life?" Brothers and sisters, we all have walls in our lives. Some walls are in the form of a disorder, like our son's and then there are walls built from the sin in our lives. Do you realize that through Christ we have been given freedom over the "city of death"? "
"For we know that our old self was crucified with him so that the body of sin might be done away with, that we should no longer be slaves to sin—because anyone who has died has been freed from sin." Romans 6:6-7
Now you are thinking, "What walls?" Those things that keep you from having a full and intimate relationship with the Lord and that keep you from healthy relationships with others. Those walls could be hatred, bitterness, a negative attitude, lusting, coveting, doubting, excessive worrying, pride, greed…to list a few.
So, what are the steps we need to take to fight the walls in our lives?
First: Trust God. If you don't know His character or who you truly are in Him, seek counsel through your Pastor or a Christian Counselor.
Second: Walk around those "walls". How? Spend time reading the Bible, the guidebook to break down those walls. Here are a few: Galatians 5:1; Philippians 4:ll-13; 2 Corinthians 5:21; Romans 8:31-37; 12:3; 1 Corinthians 14:33; 2:12; John 16:33; 2 Timothy 1:7; Psalm 1; James 4:7; Psalm 51; 1 John 1:4-10. Also, continue applying the first step.
Third: Even when the day seems hard and the light seems far away, "take the city"! In other words, claim the victory He has promised you.
"…in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:37-39
The walls our son faces everyday is a disorder that daily God is helping Joshua fight to break them down through our prayers and therapy.
What are your walls? No matter if they are from a disorder or sin, the same simple steps apply. Trust God, for your life is precious to Him. Walk around your walls through reading His Word and seek Christian counsel, and don't forget to take the city. He has given you the keys.
"Because you are sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but a son; and since you are a son, God has made you also an heir." Galatians 4:6,7