PANDAS makes Autism seem like a cake walk

A friend sent me a message and she stated, "PANDAS makes Autism seem like a cake walk." I would have to agree with her.

As I sit holding Joshua as he FINALLY goes to sleep, I am reminded of those first years when he was diagnosed with Autism. Before we knew what was wrong...the hours of screaming, nothing could comfort him. Then working daily with him in therapy and seeing doors opening...rejoicing the day he said, "Mommy".

And here I sit....feeling as if I am in familiar yet foreign territory...it is true Autism is a cake walk in comparison.

I was reminded of a section I wrote in my book back in 2006, and I wanted to share it with you.

On a quick note...can I just share how proud I am of our daughter?! Since day one of her life she has known nothing else but autism. Before we moved here, she and I had spent over 400 hours in the hall while Joshua received therapy. She has been such a trooper and incredible supportive sister. This has been hard for her as her big brother has changed...but she still tries to engage him and I LOVE THAT about her. Faithy, you amaze me...never, ever forget that you are LOVED by Mommy and Daddy, and that YOU ARE A PRINCESS OF THE MOST HIGH GOD!

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"IT WAS A WISP OF A MORNING”
The True Intimacy of Becoming a Water Walker

Copyright Year: © 2006
Published by Unleashing Potential Ministries, Wooster, Ohio
All Rights Reserved.

Joshua pays careful attention to details, those details that we do not see. If something is just a little off, no matter if mommy fixes it, it is too much for his little mind to handle, and it will set him into a melt down.

This morning was one of those moments. There was a bend in the wisp that I allow the kids to play with. Albeit it small, it was noticeable to him. He tried to fix it himself, however the bend was now very noticeable. I attempted to fix it, putting it back into its mangled wisp look. Yet, it was too late. All he saw was the bend from before. He could not see beyond what his mind grasped earlier and he could not handle it. He was on the floor screaming, hitting his head and heels on the floor. There was nothing I could do. Reassuring him only added fire to the already intense moment. So, I picked up around him. 20 minutes later he came to me with tears in his eyes saying, "hold you." Translated meaning "hold me mommy". So I picked him up and cradled him as we swayed, then we sat and rocked. 30 minutes passed with this 45-pound boy curled in my arms gently rocking in the chair.

As I think of my son's battle with Autism, I think of man in the Bible named David who was being pursued by Saul, a man trying to kill him. In the book of Psalms we read about David's struggles as his enemies were at his heels. We read about his fear and his anger. Yet we also read his songs of praise to God for His deliverance from his enemies.
Just as Joshua sought shelter in my arms from the fear and frustration he faces daily with Autism, so David sought that same type of shelter in the arms of God.

Psalm 18:1-6, 16-19
I love you, O LORD, my strength. The LORD is my rock, my fortress and my deliverer; my God is my rock, in whom I take refuge. He is my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold. I call to the LORD, who is worthy of praise, and I am saved from my enemies. The cords of death entangled me; the torrents of destruction overwhelmed me. The cords of the grave coiled around me; the snares of death confronted me. In my distress I called to the LORD; I cried to my God for help. From his temple he heard my voice; my cry came before him, into his ears…. He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters. He rescued me from my powerful enemy, from my foes, who were too strong for me. They confronted me in the day of my disaster, but the LORD was my support. He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.

Just as quick as David could say, "Why, Lord…where are You, Lord…" He would regain his senses in the arms of God and praise Him, and continue his days journey.
After those 30 minutes Joshua looked up at me, arms open wide and said, "Thanks Mommy" as he embraced me with a hug. I said, "You're welcome, I love you." His response, "Thanks Mommy, I love you too." He then went onto the porch to play.
Life's walk is hard. The journey can be long, uncertain and at times fearful. Yet, with the knowledge that the Lord is there to "lift you out of the deep…to bring you into a spacious place…because He delights in you"…brings a sense of peace and realization that you can walk out onto your "life's porch", and He is waiting with open arms to rock you during those most difficult moments in your journey.

Intimate moment with Christ
Life can be overwhelming. Will you allow Him to cradle you today, to “sway” with you? David knew God could bring comfort, will you trust Him with your frustrations and fears?

Father, my days are so uncertain. I don’t know how I am going to make it through this week. I need your embrace today. Please allow me to experience the warmth of your presence in my life today. Hold me, sway with me, and give me comfort as I walk today. I am on my “life’s porch”, rock with me.

Photo above is a current photo of Joshua and I...this is how he falls asleep most nights. Right now he does not want to be away from either Matt or I.